no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want to be your penis for a week.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
