It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
