I accidentally burped into my bong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
