I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
