His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
