What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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