my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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