Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
