This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
