well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
