Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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