Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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