Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
