i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
