she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
