your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
