hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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