i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
