I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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