I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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