is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
