Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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