found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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