THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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