Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
