You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
