I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
