turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
