3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
