he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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