sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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