I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Still dying that you shit outside
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
