You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
