My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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