the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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