me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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