And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
