The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
