I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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