capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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