PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
