Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
