The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
