i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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