How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
