I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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