is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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