I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
