And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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