Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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