I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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