I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
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I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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