I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
