i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
