Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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