I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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