Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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