just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
