I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
