I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
