i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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