i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
