3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got inside last night via doggy door
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
