Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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