The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Less talking, more tequila
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
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I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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